506,049 plays

ask-aph-alfred:

ezioshark:

kidwithgoggles:

jennymyfunnyvalentine:

elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey:

senorpacman:

Introducing: Zoey

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I just threw up in my mouth

THE PRONUNCIATION OF ‘XD’ EVERYTIME MADE ME EXPLODE OH MY GOD WHY

I JUST FELT MY INTERNAL ORGANS COLLAPSE AND I AM ABOUT TO VOMIT BLOOD

FUCKING TOOLS OF TRADE YO

I WAS DEPRESSED AGAIN AND THIS MADE EVERYTHING BETTER

eternalsailor2chainz:

E X C U S E M E
YOU ARE E LIST MOTHER FUCKER. IM # FUCKING 1 AND YOURE THROWIN SHADE AT ME??? YOU BETTER FALL THE FUCK BACK WITH YOUR DAD MUSTACHE LOOKIN LIKE YOU HAVIN A MID LIFE CRISIS WEARING SHORTS AND A SNAPBACK. EVEN BLACK MACKLEMORE OVER THERE ON THE LEFT GIVIN THAT SIDE EYE AT YOUR SHITTY OUTFIT. IRRELEVANT ASS BITCH.

consultingasshat asked:
I LOVE YOUR BLOG SOOOO SO MUCH OMG COULD YOU DRAW A COMIC INVOLVING MERMAIDS AND MAYBE A DRAGON FOR ME

floccinaucinihilipilificationa:

I HAVE THE HEADCANON THAT DRAGONS THINK THAT MERMAIDS ARE SUPER COOL BECAUSE THEY LIVE IN WATER AND STUFF

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Reblog if you’re a homestuck piece of trash.

owlmylove:

shslequius:

"Maybe if you go to bed you’ll feel better in the morning" is literally just the human version of "Have you tried turning it off and back on again?"

what have you done

poppypicklesticks:

ryansgayliner:

the thrilling saga in which Panic! owns the fuck out of WBC

lol if you have to count imaginary friends as your supporters you have lost whatever you were trying to prove, bigtime 

bigrnac:

“everyone has their off days” I tell myself 15 days in a row

mishapenmagic:

letmebeyourtlc:

zandalarian:

niknak79:

Baby going through tunnel

probably thought his entire existence ended

nerdy moment: babies at that age don’t have object permanence. if the object cannot be seen, it does not exist. image how freaked the fuck out you would be if suddenly everything went black - effectively ceasing to exist. the baby’s entire world vanished then came back.

so yeah. he probably did think his entire existence ended.

It’s not nerdy. It’s called child development.

impromptucantabile:

THIS IS MY FAVOURITE COMIC

micdotcom:

Forget the spreadsheet, here’s an easy flowchart to know if a women owes you sex

Microsoft Excel took a turn for the explicit this week when the Internet learned the once-innocuous office tool was being used in a dispiriting new bro-trend: using the software to track of the number of times their partners refuse sex. Yes, #sexspreadsheets are a thing, presumably because some men still believe that owning of a penis entitles them to unlimited sexy times.

Sorry, guys, that’s just not the way the world works | Follow micdotcom 

notahoe:

notahoe:

wtf is morning wood 

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Thank you that’s exactly what I thought 

poyzn:

Quick and simple lifehacks.

fiftyshadesofdebauchery:

kvotheunkvothe:

Animal fun fact: Chinchillas can’t get wet. Their fur retains too much water and will start to grow mold. So they bathe by rolling around in dust.

Chinchilla fun fact: Chinchillas have around 20 hairs per follicle; unlike humans who have 2-3 hairs per follicle. Because their fur is so dense, they cannot get fleas or other parasites. The bugs will suffocate in their fur.

Chinchilla fun fact: Petting one of those awesome little guys feels like touching a motherfucking cloud.

Chinchilla fun fact: Their newborn babies are like little pieces of fluffy popcorn. You could easily just toss a handful in your mouth.

Chinchilla fun fact: Don’t toss a handful into your mouth.

hogwartsisbiggerontheinside:

merlinsbearditsthedoctor:

airtrafficcontroller:

nudityandnerdery:

burntlikethesun:

JKR has released new Lockhart info AND IT’S ALL I’VE EVER WANTED TBH I’VE BEEN WAITING LIKE 2 YEARS FOR THIS DAY

Albus “I’ll give kids a year of substandard education for a vital class to get someone back for angering two of my friends” Dumbledore.

Dumbledore makes the best decisions. 

yo but the fact that dumbledore is a master manipulator was right there in front of us and im so angry it took me like 7 books to figure it out

Dumbledore is a passive aggressive king of manipulation like damn

"Have you ever heard the phrase cockblocking? You know, you’re at a bar, talking to a girl, and what happens? Her less attractive friend comes over and ruins everything. Cockblock. Well I have to tell you something guys: I have been the less attractive friend, and you were NOT cockblocked. I was following orders from my better-looking friend that she did not wanna fuck you. …Girls have two signals for their friends: ‘I’m gonna fuck him’ and ‘HELP.’"
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Amy Schumer [x] (via rashaka)

The number of “get me out of here” tactics women have developed and shared to help each other escape from overly-insistent-to-borderline-predatory dudes in public places should probably be enough evidence of the existence of rape culture all on its own.

(via madgastronomer)

YES

(via ellakrystina)

I especially like how, in the majority of cases, you don’t have to verbally communicate what your signals are to other women. I’ve had women I didn’t even know come save me. Literally every woman recognizes the “Dear god, help me” facial expression, and knows exactly what they should do. We don’t get a handbook for this. We don’t have a sit-down nail polish party where we talk about a standardized woman code for preventing creepers. It’s just part of being a woman.

BUT LOL RAPE CULTURE DOESN’T EXIST.

(via eastberlin)

Yup. I’ve definitely taken strangers by the arm and pulled her aside to go, “Oh my GOD it’s you! How ARE YOU?!? It’s been so long!” and then been like “hey I could overhear that guy who wouldn’t leave you alone so I figured I’d give you an out” and then see their VISIBLY RELIEVED expressions. This is part of girl code, because rape culture is that pervasive.

(via thebicker)

I once had a girl sit on my lap and say “hey baby” after she witnessed a guy (who was easily 20+ years older than me) hitting on me and harassing me for my number even after I told him I was taken. After he got up and left she asked if I was okay. I couldn’t thank her enough times, I even bought her a drink.

(via castielsmiles)

We have done this. In fact, we are this. Because we are asexual and we don’t like alcohol so we never drink, we have gone with friends to parties/places where our sole job was to keep an eye out for everyone and be the permanent ‘aggressive man-sheild.’ Not one of our female friends has ever questioned this or found it all strange. In fact, often once they realized we were willing to do it, it would be pre-arranged. Every guy friend we ever did this in front of or tried to explain to looked flabbergasted. They had no idea that this was a) an intentional thing, b) a planned ahead thing, or c) universal.

Rape culture is the fact that every woman understands this. Male privilege is the fact that no guy on earth seems to know or understand.

(via cractasticdispatches)

I’ve been asked to pretend to be my friend’s girlfriend every time we go out at night, just because she wears clothes that show off her curves and guys won’t leave her alone. They only back off when I put my arm around her and act as if we’re together romantically, and sometimes not even then.

(via zaataronpita)

i once ran interference for a friend, only to receive the unwanted advances myself. he wouldn’t back off until my (male) friend literally wrapped me up in his arms and acted as if he was my S.O.

(via miljathefailcat)

It happens online too. A guy I know started Facebook-stalking me after a recent interaction, and my roommate immediately got on Facebook and told him she was my girlfriend. He thankfully backed off after that.

I can’t count the number of times I have pretended to be somebody’s girlfriend or sister in a bar when a guy wouldn’t leave her alone. Both with friends and strangers.

(via feministsupernatural)

After reading these, I feel like taking a shower. Because I’m the designated driver pretty much every time, not being a big fan of alcohol, but I rarely, if ever, intervene. And yeah, I’m small and pretty physically weak, but I could put my foot down verbally if it came down to it. I’m just too scared.

(via harperhug)

You’re probably scared of confronting the guys.  And you should be.  That’s what this whole post is about.  Rape culture is so prevalent and socially accepted as the rule of the land that if someone confronts a guy and tells him directly to back off, someone is getting hurt.  That’s why all of the testimonies here are examples of how to deflect.  How women all learn methods of pulling a woman away from a situation with a guy who isn’t allowing her to say no, by making up some lie that will get the guy to let her go without sending him into a rage and deciding to teach you both a lesson about knowing your place and submitting to rape culture.  Men are dangerous in these situations because all of society backs them up as just a nice guy who deserves a chance, and vilifies any woman who refuses to give him a chance.  Women are not allowed to say no.  So other women have to rescue the women saying no and pull them away with some made up excuse.  Otherwise the situation will escalate and the ones who get hurt are always the women. 

(via coffeegleek)

Women absolutely have to learn rescue tactics for each other, but it’s kind of funny how we describe really obvious facial expressions and body language as “secret signals.” The reality is that women telegraph disinterest in these aggressive men, making it super obvious, but men choose to ignore it. Total strangers who are just sitting nearby or happen to glace their way will be able to see that the woman isn’t interested, but the guy making the advances is somehow oblivious? Unlikely.

(via smitethepatriarchy)

And its fucked because women actively know the signs while men have refused to learn any body language signal of “leave me alone” that women do.

Women are always the one who have to accommodate their behavior to suit mens egos.

(via sourcedumal)